I am tired. Of not knowing my emotions and trying to battle them, anyway. Of being impatient with people and trying to justify myself. Of things not working out the way I expect. Of not being able to rely on people or businesses here. Of being utterly broke.
Of complaining.
In the last week of some pretty severe discouragement, I have been trying to imitate Mother Teresa, who, in her long, dark night of the soul (about 39 years, in fact) still followed her Lord and gave and gave and gave of herself. I am not called to be happy, but holy. I will still gladly enjoy life when the moment's good calls for it--but when it isn't an immediately enjoyable experience, I will press on nonetheless!
My wise brother sent me the following links, not knowing how greatly I needed both the encouragement of Bl. Teresa and catharsis. "...I wanted to find a place along the
path to rest. It didn't happen for me then, but God always provides for
us what we need. But it is in His time and manner. He doesn't always
want to make us comfortable, but He always wants to make us holy, and
this will be the source of our true happiness."
Read little known facts about Blessed Teresa of Calcutta here.
And listen to this wonderfully cathartic music (from none other than LOTR).
So I listened to that music and finally cried--after five weeks here in South America and the last week of being on the verge of tears for who-knows-what reason.
TMI? Too bad.
I think I might actually be homesick--or at least, culture-sick. I've never been homesick before, as far as I know. And I had problems with my bank and stress about teaching and anxiety about my anxiety and just needed a hug.
I finally got a hug today (boy, did I need it!) and tomorrow my bank paperwork should finally be done and I will have some free time to lesson plan and life is still beautiful, whether or not anything gets sorted out.
Read this article! Emotions Are Not Shameful. Simcha Fisher says what I want to say.
You can do it, Mr. Frodo!
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