Dreams of pumpkin spice lattes

...corn mazes, brilliantly changing leaves, and other bits of autumnal beauty. Fall is on my mind. (Every person on Facebook posted a status about fall recently, I swear.) But alas, here on the equator, those things don't exist. Though, goodness knows, we have enough corn here that the entire population of the country could be lost in corn mazes simultaneously, or rather, maize mazes. (Punny, I know.) I believe there are at least nine varieties of corn. I've probably tried two or three of them.

This longing for crisp breezes and apple cider weather brought me to a Gerard Manley Hopkins poem. I didn't cover any Shakespeare in class this week, but I got my own, personal dose of poetry anyway:

Spring and Fall:
                to a Young Child
   Margaret, are you grieving
   Over Goldengrove unleaving?
   Leaves, like the things of man, you
   With your fresh thoughts care for, can you?
   Ah! as the heart grows older
   It will come to such sights colder
   By and by, nor spare a sigh
   Though worlds of wanwood leafmeal lie;
   And yet you will weep and know why.
   Now no matter, child, the name:
   Sorrow's springs are the same.
   Nor mouth had, no nor mind, expressed
   What héart héard of, ghóst guéssed:
   It is the blight man was born for,
   It is Margaret you mourn for. 

Except, I'm grieving over Quito not unleaving. And, my name's not Margaret. Otherwise, ol' Gerry is spot on. Our mortality, brought about by the Fall, is sorrow's spring, no matter the way it's ultimately expressed. Yet, I want to keep my heart in a springtime cheer, practicing the virtue of hope, no matter the fallen, fall-less world I'm currently living in. I am missing pumpkin spice lattes, hay rides, and comfort with the infinite: our once-perfect union with the Creator.

The solution? Hope.

It's such a joy to be able to use the word "hopefully" correctly! I walked down the street hopefully today, hopefully listening to great music. I gave exams hopefully (and gleefully...mostly kidding). I forgot to be hopeful sometimes and got bogged down with frustrations. Then I was hopefully plodding along again, happy to have realized my error and to have corrected it. Another reason to be hopeful and happy: we can recognize when we're not at peace as we should be! Hopeful for peace, joy, yummy pumpkin spice lattes, and salvation.

So, besides such things as hope, dreams of large orange vegetables, and a good life soundtrack (walking down a city street listening to cool jams is epic and a lot less annoying than hearing all the nonsense going on, beeping, shouting etc.), there is rain. Lots and lots of rain. I'm glad I brought rain boots and a great rain jacket (purchases inspired by friends in Portland, OR). Now, I finally get to use them!

Friday was the first time I saw an Ecuadorian rain fall! I snapped these photos during my 2:00-4:00 PM class. We all crowded around the window and I taught them the words "pouring," and then "hail!"

It probably would have really hurt to have been outside in that weather, pelted by chunks of ice. It's definitely time to invest in a sturdy umbrella. My kids started throwing them at each other, and one poor boy got about three down his shirt. I swiftly resumed teaching..



My vacations start in two weeks. I finish up this week and the next, then an exam, and then---FREEEEEEEDOM! For fifteen days, at least. I haven't a clue as to what I shall do. The jungle? The beach? Explore the city like a tourist? I really haven't been much of a tourist here yet, so it's probably about time. I haven't seen the literal site of the equator, I haven't been to the Cathedral or the Basilica..those will be phenomenal visits. And I'm thrilled that I will be able to buy Christmas gifts and things for people too--hooray! During the teaching cycle, free time is scarce.

I want to write some letters too, and I'll have time to mail them! And, to go shopping! I pride myself on having very few articles in my wardrobe and not needing much. But wow, it's about time to help myself out. And now that I'm a working woman (...ha) I feel justified in spending just a fraction of my paycheck to clothe myself.

I would like to WWOOF a bit, too. And most definitely, visit the best park in the city--la Metropolitana. I hear it's a forest, and there are places to go without seeing anything man-made! I'm dying to go. It will refresh my soul. Speaking of souls, a newly-made friend (from CL) is getting married and I'll be attending the wedding. What a joyous event that will be!

So those are my hopes, dreams, and schemes for my short break. While I do not want to get caught up in them and waste the next fourteen days thinking about the future, it is lovely to pause during the workday and think on such pleasant things.

 Leaves, like the things of man, you
   With your fresh thoughts care for, can you? 

Leaves end up in compost heaps, riches eaten by moths, adventures fade into dull memories...but each in its time is a wonder!

Might I add that I am ecstatic this poem includes a tag question: "can you?" This week's grammar includes tag questions, thus I will be introducing the poem in my Advanced II classes without a doubt. I'm excited!

Salsa dancing and Shakespeare

Since my last post, things have been looking up. I had a swell week and a fun, busy, weekend. I was out dancing salsa until three AM on Saturday night! I am catching up on sleep still. While I'm not sure I'll stay out that late again--how on earth did I have the energy?--it was such a great time. It's wonderful to have a structured form of social interaction that's creative, artistic, active, and fun integrated in the culture!

Friday I also went out, though in an entirely different manner. I had English class in a pub! We are allowed one outing a cycle and Friday seemed like a good day to escape the fifth floor classroom and go out on the town. With my two o'clock class, I went to a café. It was funny to be with a bunch of high schoolers and have a third of them drinking (legally). A couple ordered a drink that's popular here, called michelada: it is beer, with pepper, sometimes mint liquor, hot sauce, and salt around the rim. Though I really miss good beer--darn gluten--I can't say I'm very tempted by that combination of flavors. But, people do love it here!

My later class went to a popular pub. My only claim as to the legitimacy of the selection was that it was an Irish pub and so we could order in English. Such good practice!...ha. Ha. (It has been done before, I made sure to check.) We did converse in English the entire time, of course, and both classes were much more vocal since we were in such comfortable settings. That day I believe I solidified my friendship with the students.

There's an odd dynamic between teachers and students here. It's interesting since students are roughly our age, and older (at least for me, as one of the youngest teachers). Some teachers are intimidated by their students (I know the feeling), some are sarcastic with them, some call their students dumb, some are bored to tears in class, some like their job. One of the administrators in my school, who used to be a teacher, even told me that when it came to points, I had leeway. There are areas I could define as certain, subjective categories as far as awarding points and that's where I could "get back at the students," if I wanted. Get back at them? For goodness' sake, I don't feel like I'm battling them. They're human beings who want to learn a foreign language to enjoy their life more: whether it's by travel, greater opportunities, or just for the sake of communication and social interaction. I have the knowledge and they want it. Why don't I share it and a bit of kindness, too? That's been my plan thus far, and it sure works! I don't really comprehend the thought of wanting a sort of vengeance against them. Rather unusual, it seems to me.

I think that results from not seeing the students as equals. People are people, too...that will be my refrain 'til the day I die. C.S. Lewis said it much more eloquently:

It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree helping each other to one or the other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all of our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal.

That's from his "The Weight of Glory." I recommend reading it. It takes but a few brief minutes, and ought to be of infinite value. Trust me, though. There are days I absolutely do not want to teach, or leave my house (or even my bed), or walk to school, or enter the classroom with a big smile and a friendly, "hello!" But, I strive to do it anyway. And yet, some days I am bored or tired or impatient. One day at a time. Baby steps through eternity seems like the only way to thrive.

Armed with those good intentions, I taught a couple students Sonnet 116 last week. One of my Conversation Clubs has a few students who are actually interested in literature and poetry--gasp! What a joyful discovery! I pounced on the opportunity to discuss books (one girl has already begun The Brothers Karamazov on my recommendation--I dearly hope she gets through it and loves it as I do!) and poetry, too. Because of the way it so beautifully describes true love (that humanely impossible love, unconditional, sacrificial, and everlasting), I wanted to share this particular sonnet with them. It's the standard of love for which we should strive. (And the love in which we should have faith.) I remember tearing up a bit in class my sophomore year at Hillsdale when we discussed these lines:

...love is not love
which alters when it alteration finds,
or bends with the remover to remove.

Oh, how we alter! And it's no excuse.

And so, with those students, I laboriously went over the very new (or old, rather) vocabulary and then we discussed the meaning, word by word. Not only did they point out some allusions in addition to the few I explained, they were really moved by the poem. After concluding with Shakespeare's pointed couplet, we sat in stillness for a few moments. The boy carefully murmured, "this poem is beautiful" and the girl who earlier found great allusions--she must be a poet--summed up the entire lesson: "So, I have never really loved anyone."

Perfect, just perfect.

TEFL doesn't have to be all grammar and vocabulary. Truth, beauty, and goodness can be discussed and explored, even in incorrect English!

The following day, believe it or not, I brought out some Aquinas for 'em:

To love is to will the good of another, as other.

We discussed what that meant and how it looked in our lives. And went back to the sonnet to see how love is disinterested and immutable. I don't ever want to merely discuss siblings, hobbies, or favorite television shows. I want to try to cultivate critical thinking and English skills! There's no need for grammar and beautiful truth to be mutually exclusive. I know my attempts aren't much, but it's something. I do what I can.

Work is as lovely as I allow it to be. Tomorrow, though, I'll have to really embrace the bits of good I find...during my twelve-hour day! I will leave the house at 8:30 AM and arrive home at 8:30 PM.  Yikes! I've got placement exams in the morning and then several Conversation Clubs and (thankfully) movie day with my Advanced 2 classes (no lesson planning!). I've actually been requested by the same, brilliant, poetic students to bring in some of my own poetry...I told them I would on a day I was feeling brave. Maybe that's tomorrow!

Therefore, I must go to bed. Now, in fact. Oh, but I'm so close to finishing Brideshead! I might allow myself a bit of time to read, then lights out. Good night, dear people.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
   If this be error and upon me proved,
   I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

I'm so tired, Sam.

I am tired. Of not knowing my emotions and trying to battle them, anyway. Of being impatient with people and trying to justify myself. Of things not working out the way I expect. Of not being able to rely on people or businesses here. Of being utterly broke.

Of complaining.

In the last week of some pretty severe discouragement, I have been trying to imitate Mother Teresa, who, in her long, dark night of the soul (about 39 years, in fact) still followed her Lord and gave and gave and gave of herself. I am not called to be happy, but holy. I will still gladly enjoy life when the moment's good calls for it--but when it isn't an immediately enjoyable experience, I will press on nonetheless!

My wise brother sent me the following links, not knowing how greatly I needed both the encouragement of Bl. Teresa and catharsis. "...I wanted to find a place along the path to rest.  It didn't happen for me then, but God always provides for us what we need.  But it is in His time and manner.  He doesn't always want to make us comfortable, but He always wants to make us holy, and this will be the source of our true happiness."

Read little known facts about Blessed Teresa of Calcutta here.

And listen to this wonderfully cathartic music (from none other than LOTR).

 So I listened to that music and finally cried--after five weeks here in South America and the last week of being on the verge of tears for who-knows-what reason.

TMI? Too bad.

I think I might actually be homesick--or at least, culture-sick. I've never been homesick before, as far as I know. And I had problems with my bank and stress about teaching and anxiety about my anxiety and just needed a hug.

I finally got a hug today (boy, did I need it!) and tomorrow my bank paperwork should finally be done and I will have some free time to lesson plan and life is still beautiful, whether or not anything gets sorted out.

Read this article! Emotions Are Not Shameful. Simcha Fisher says what I want to say.

You can do it, Mr. Frodo!

Fiestas and lots of photos

...and home-made fireworks and clowns and other less disconcerting things.

Today was a great day. Exam day. Zero lesson planning required. This weekend was marvelous, too! Saturday was the Nativity of Mary and Guapulo (formerly a town until it was eaten up in amoeba-like fashion by Quito) celebrates her birth each year! There is good food: hornado (roasted pig), pinchos (for the life of me, I can't think what they're called...bits of meat stuck on a stick and grilled) colada morada (a thick fruity, alcoholic drink), morocho (a sweet and creamy, corn-based drink); home-made fireworks, lots of dancing, and more masked and costumed people than Halloween. It's such a festive atmosphere! And perhaps gets slightly out of hand...

The fireworks, for instance, were as amusing as they were dangerous. Men ran around with long sticks bearing fireworks and flames of all designs. They sprinted through the crowd, showering everyone with some serious sparks! See here:

    

From our safe vantage point, we could laugh at the people darting in all directions to avoid getting burned. All I can say is they knew what was coming--hence our choice of location. My fellow American Jillian and I marveled at the utter lack of safety precaution. I thought it was absolutely hilarious! There isn't a fear of lawsuit...just a mild concern about catching on fire or being singed. 

A nice coincidence was that I had gone to this very church the week prior. And here I was again, celebrating the birth of Our Lady. The final show of fireworks lasted about ten minutes (we spent much of it hidden beneath the leather jacket of one of our friends) and the parting message after the fireworks show was a birthday greeting to Mary:

"VIVA LA VIRGEN DE GUAPULO"

Prior to the wild and dangerous fire show, we spent some time dancing in the crowd. What an adventure! Men (I think) dressed in gorilla suits and clown costumes came right up to my friends and me and grabbed our hands and danced with us: rather frightening and amusing. It was okay as long as you didn't look them in the face.

(Photo credit: Jillian)

 It was great night in a very restful weekend. I had been hoping to enjoy a peaceful couple of days between my busy weeks of teaching. I sometimes long for a few moments to breathe and take in the world about me.

Particularly in these months following my confirmation, I'm coming to see more and more that la vida es bella! (Also see: La vita es bella, the movie. An amazing film!) The challenge is to constantly be aware of the good. Even on days where I am rushing to get things done, I have little to no money, my feet are blistered, I haven't planned a lesson, I have to power walk the 20-minutes to work, and I am scrambling to make a lunch while striving to maintain some semblance of inner peace...life can be a glorious existence. I say "can be" merely because I don't always let myself live it as such. My loss.

I'll leave it to myself to sort out the good of those supposedly terrible times and instead share with you the obviously beautiful elements of my life:

Sunny Saturday mornings are a perfect time for rug-cleaning with my roommate. Our terrace has an amazing view of the city: tall buildings, tree-covered mountains, and active volcanoes all in an easy glance:

 I somehow have the best classroom at CEC. In my enormously spacious room on the fifth floor, I teach two two-hour classes of twelve students each day. (I have Conversation Club elsewhere). I enjoy teaching more each week! On Friday, a particularly rambunctious (and infamous) student asked me if I had siblings. He explained that I must have younger brothers because of how patient I was! I told him I had one older brother, but two sisters, and he marveled at the news. I was positively delighted by what he and my other students had to say that day. It's by the grace of God that I'm at all passing as a teacher. But for that, I doubt I would succeed. That same evening, two students told me I was the best teacher they had ever had. (What?!) As per usual, I blushed and the whole class quickly informed me of how red I was. So be it.
I laugh as hard in my evening class as I do when I'm with a group of friends outside of work. What a joy! My students are anywhere from 16 to 35, so I maintain a level of peer-like respect and easy friendship. It works well.


I get to cook for myself whenever I want. Breakfast the other morning consisted of handmade corn tortillas, scrambled eggs with onion and garlic, and some scrumptious fresh cheese to accompany a few minutes reading Brideshead Revisted. My favorite Colombian café has nothing on me--except convenience. I could get all of this, plus a cup of coffee, for a ten-minute walk and $2.




And of course, the obvious beauty of my friendships. I have hiked volcanic craters, run a 10K, danced with clowns, prepared dinner, relaxed on the beach, watched movies, laughed, spoken Spanglish, and shared bits of life with an amazing array of souls.

Diversity is beautiful, too (euphemism for: wow, am I white!).



And yet, even with all this beauty, I have times of definite discouragement and loneliness. Blogs can be misleading in showing only the smiles and fun events. The good and bad: it's all part of life! Ultimately, it can be as uncomfortable for an eternal soul to be in functioning here in time as it is for a fish to be out of water (C.S. Lewis said something to that effect). So let's all try to keep flopping closer to the pond.

I think I've been stumbling a bit lately on my journey to greater self-knowledge. And for lack of content, I threw in many photos. At least they're fun to look at!

It ain't me, babe.

No, no, no. It ain't me you're lookin' for. (Another title inspired by Johnny Cash.)

But seriously, leave me alone.

The desperate attempts to gain women's attention have me pitying some of these guys more than anything...and I am increasingly thankful for the many awesome men I've gotten to befriend in the last several weeks.

So, instead of a tirade, I will share the funniest lines I've heard as of yet!

"I need someone to espeak English with me. You could be my friend, no?"--a student.

The ever-popular, super-cool, whistle and/or comment then "Where are you from? Do you speak Spanish? etc" --creepers everywhere.

I jokingly told a female student how I was looking for a boyfriend with a motorcycle in order to avoid the heinous traffic here. Then I heard another student pipe up "What about a boyfriend with a car?" --a 50-something business man, who had just told us about his car. (I merely congratulated him on his good fortune of owning a car and proceeded to change the subject.)

And the winner: I was at a restaurant with my friends and others, including a guy I just met. They were drinking beer, he offered me some, so I declined and explained my gluten intolerance. He proceeded to offer me a variety of refreshments, "soda? Coca Cola? algo?" I said 'no thanks.' And, last but not least, he offered "Un chico?" (a.k.a. "a guy?"). Smooth, very smooth. I laughed and said I'd let him know. He certainly won points for creativity and general friendliness.

This is absolutely typical: no need to be alarmed.

In other, more tasty news, I am branching out in my cooking experiences and have really enjoyed getting to cook for friends here over the last month. My most recent creation was a Thai meal at a friend's house. My third ever--and rather successful, if I do say so myself--attempt at peanut sauce was well received, though my Venezuelan, Colombian, and Ecuadorian friends were perhaps a bit skeptical at first. (Apparently, the typical indigenous dish of guinea pig (cuy) is often served with a sort of peanut sauce! I have yet to try it, though I'm looking for an opportunity to do so.)

 

Cooking with friends for friends is so much fun! Click here for September's photo album

Some teaching news: in my most recent class, the students did a writing exercise about professions and what it takes to be a good teacher, homemaker, lawyer, etc. Several students chose 'teacher' and volunteered to read their statements aloud. They said teachers should be patient, kind, intelligent, friends of their students, explain things well etc. Then they all started pointing to me and said, "that is you!" Well, of course I blushed, and of course they said "you're red!" (Darn Latinos and their non-blushing skin.) It was indeed a sweet and embarrassing moment. I really love teaching sometimes. At the end of class, a student told me to keep the marker he lent me, because I was a good teacher. I guess it's the updated equivalent to giving one's teacher an apple? I'll accept that.

Another highlight of late has been meeting people from the Communion and Liberation (CL) group here in Quito. Among those I've met are an American and a handful of Ecuadorians from various cities around the country. I won't be able to attend meetings until the next cycle of teaching, as my hours run too late, but I just spoke with our oh-so-accommodating director today, and am quite hopeful that I'll be able to participate in October.

I've spent time conversing with them and I adore the Spanish language all the more when it's used to communicate the deep truths and beauty I've come to know and love. Faith is reasonable! No bit of our daily life is banal or unimportant! What a joy it is to infuse the language I love with the truths I'm longing to express! It's such motivation to increase my vocabulary and allow myself to wield a foreign tongue with dexterity, to enjoy soul-sharing truth, beauty, and goodness. I'm glad to continue my liberating education--thanks, Hillsdale. The freedom to pursue the good is a wonderful thing.

I am reminded of El Libro de Buen Amor which I halfheartedly read my sophomore year of college (oh, to take that class over again! Between God and Man--medieval literature from Spain...at the time, I was overwhelmed by the saints.) From the introduction:

 "Y cuando el alma, con buen entendimiento y buena voluntad escoge y ama el buen amor, que es el de Dios, con buena "remembranza lo pone en la guarda de la memoria para recordarlo y obliga al cuerpo a hacer buenas obras por las cuales se salva el hombre. Sobre esto dice San Juan Apóstol en el Apocalipsis, hablando de los buenos que mueren obrando bien: Beati mortui qui in Domino moriuntur: opera enim illorum sequuntur illps (8)."

To paraphrase: "when the soul, with sound understanding and will chooses and loves the good love, which is of God, that profitable habit encourages and obliges the body to do good, thus contributing to our salvation. As St. John said in the fourteenth chapter of Revelation, verse 13: "Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, saith the Spirit, that they may rest from their labors; and their works do follow them."'

Everyday is an opportunity to discover truth, be challenged, eat delicious food, laugh with friends, learn new jokes, delight in the sunshine and perfect the virtues, thus enjoying life more completely.

A very rough paraphrase of a couplet near the end of the poem ("know" has the connotation to explore, discover, differentiate between):

Que probemos las cosas no siempre es lo peor;

el bien y el mal sabed y escoged lo mejor.

That we try many things isn't always the worst;
Know good and evil and choose the best.

So, I will start trying out other beaches, cuy, new clubs, exciting adventures of all sorts, Spanish Rosaries, motorcycles (maybe!), hot springs, more volcanoes and hiking, etcetera, etcetera...