Lost in the middle of the earth

...or something like that, it would seem, by my absence here in the blogging world.

In fact, I'm just loving life here. Circumstances are about the same. I'm different.

I don't have the desire to constantly be in touch with people from the States like I used to--e-mails and blogging was my security blanket, and a way to escape from the troubles here by reminding myself it was temporary. If you think about it, moving abroad for a short period of time is an odd way to live. Everything is just for a time, so the temptation is to not get involved in anything. Anyway. (I still love and miss you all very much!)

It's all rather incredible. Awesome. Amazing. (Fill in other exaggerated American adjectives my friends love to make fun of me for.)

I spent a long time here looking at things I wanted to change...and they were always outside of me. People everywhere...and I spent time wishing they would go away. Noise? I wanted silence. Hungry? I wanted something instant and familiar.

Now I think I can say with Paul I'm learning contentment. He said he had learned to be content with much or little, in hunger or with food, etc. How am I supposed to learn to be content without food if I'm never actually hungry? or thirsty? or exhausted and lonely with no immediate relief? I've been through all of that here. Many a time. It's been such a beautiful challenge! (But trust me, I've pounded my pillow and cried lots of tears and longed of returning home from time to time.)

And now, I'm not sure when I want to leave. I think I'm here indefinitely for now. Yes. I'm putting it out there in the world wide web so people who want to know can know. Sorry I'm not informing you personally, friends. Let's talk about it, though.

I'm happy!

And of course, there are days when I'm sad, but thanks to the community I have here, and the direction life has taken, I can't just wallow in my sadness and throw myself a pity party. Life is vocation. Where am I? why am I sad? What's going on and how am I going to embrace the cross and move forward with it?

In other news, I recently had a marvelous, rather life-changing/life-saving trip to the coast and I celebrated my one-(liturgical)-year anniversary in the Catholic Church (see photos).

I don't really take anything for granted anymore. Life is so much better this way. Nothing and no one is useless. So, here I am, looking to renew my Visa. (And guess what? I still might be coming home in a few months. Ya never know.)

P.S. When I first came back to Quito after Christmas, I had decided to leave April 1 (as in, yesterday). Then, I thought, one month more--leaving in May--would be enough to deepen my friendships and learn a bit more of what this country had to teach me. Then, I decided to work another cycle here and come home June 1. Now, I just laugh about all that nonsense and say: Bah! It's indefinite.